If the husband pursues spiritual matters in his thoughts and the wife pursues the ones of the flesh, they will be discontent and will be arguing.
A Series of talks with the married
G. Derksen, Germany
Now, here is another question. The husband walks after the flesh, but the wife walks after the spirit. Will they be one in the spirit? No. There are families like this in our churches. Both are the children of the Lord. Both have repented, but he lives by flesh and she by the spirit. What kind of a relationship will be in that family? I will bring up one example. I visit young families fairly frequently – up to forty a year, so that I can see the condition of the family and give help where needed. Once, I was in a young family and the wife started talking to me. She said, “Look at my husband. He is so lazy that he does not want to read the Bible, or to do anything in the family. He doesn’t have any interest in this and he doesn’t care.” Yes, he was a born again Christian and a member of the church, but he didn’t have an interest for anything. His wife said so in his presence. I talked with both of them at the time, but after that I did not hear anything about this family because our ways parted. I did not have contact with them for more than twenty years.
One time during a tent mission, I saw him during the service. Yes, it was him, but I could not recognize him. Only his eyes told me that it was the same person. When I came up to him after the service and said, “Jacob, is that you?” he said, “Yes.” I asked him then, “How are you doing?” His answer was, “O, my family is destroyed, my kids are going one way, my wife a different way, and I myself fell away from the faith.”
A tragic situation! He was living by the flesh, she – by the spirit. The family is destroyed. How sad is this! If among you there is a family where one lives by flesh and another by the spirit, you have to remember that the one living by flesh is going towards spiritual death. He (or she) is spiritually sick. He is like a baby that has stopped developing and is slowly moving towards death. In such a family there cannot be oneness. One of them wants one thing, the other wants another one. Their spirits are going different ways. If there is such a family among you, I ask today to get on your knees and beg for oneness in spirit. Admit to all your sins and start a new life. From the bottom of my heart I call you to become one in spirit.
Now we come to the second requirement – unity of souls. For what did Jesus Christ die on the cross – the sake of the soul or the sake of the body? We know the body will be returned to the earth; therefore, He came for the sake of the soul. Why? Because the soul is immortal and it was enslaved by sin. It did not have fellowship with God. So why is the soul so valuable to God and why did the Son of God die for the sake of the soul? Now listen very carefully. The soul is life; it is the “me,” it is the conscience; and it is the will. All the talent and ability of a person is his soul, or we can say his intellect. What a gift we have from God – our intellect! With his birth a person receives the gifts of kindness: hearing, sight, ability for music and singing. All of these are gifts of God’s kindness, with which a person can create beautiful things. The person is very gifted from the moment of birth. It is often said: “He is a good person, a gifted person, but an alcoholic.” What is he using his gifts for?
But then this person comes to God and is born again into new life. And with this new life he receives spiritual gifts. It could be said that the person receives a double portion – the gifts that he receives at physical birth, and the gifts he receives at his spiritual birth, all of which are located in our soul. This is the real wealth.
Now we can look at the soul of a husband and a wife. The two souls have to have unity. They have to be like one soul. How can this be seen in practice? First, we can see this in the will of the spouses. Is their will one or does each appear to have his own will? This is a good question. When the husband strives to do the will of God and when the wife does the same, they will be one. When this doesn’t exist the husband says “I want the window open,” and the wife will say, “But I want it closed.” And they begin to argue. He wants fresh air and she wants warmth. In this case the more powerful will wins. Such division can be seen in many areas – in clothing, in the purchase of furniture, etc. One of them wants one thing – the other often wants the opposite.
Dear brothers and sisters! If we are the children of God, and we know for sure that we belong to the Heavenly Father, then above all we need to do His will. Only then will we have unity. I want to do God’s will the way His Word teaches. The husband should have the same desire. What does the Lord want from us before we fall asleep? He wants us to forgive each other everything that was not done right during the day, right? This way they can have peace everyday and calmly go to sleep. But after an argument, he can’t sleep and neither can she because the peace is destroyed by the desire to have everything my way. Such a state of existence can bring about the destruction of the family. May the Lord give us the ability to be in unity.
The second thing is our reasoning; our way of thinking. If the husband pursues spiritual matters in his thoughts and the wife pursues the ones of the flesh, they will be discontent and will be arguing. Once again the unity is broken. So what needs to be done in such a case? The spouse that pursues the life in the flesh needs to change his way of thinking, and needs to receive the spiritual and become like Jesus Christ. How can this be done? Very easily. One of the brethren once said: “I think this way and this is right.” Another one read a passage from the Bible and said “Did you hear what the Bible says about ‘I think’?” The right thing is what the Bible says. Then even the thinking of the couple will be one. This needs to exist in our family life.
Next, what is happening with our conscience? How does the conscience of the husband or the wife reveal itself? If the husband wants to do something wrong, the conscience says “don’t do this.” The same thing happens with the conscience of the wife. But if the husband still has acted in his own way, the conscience says “you have done wrong.” In other words his conscience condemns him. Our conscience rebukes us for our own good. So what do we need to do next? We need to admit to what we have done and repent.
We all have many gifts. Gifts of love, mercy, meekness, and so on and we can use all of these gifts. When looking at a husband or wife we can often see that they have different gifts. Why did God give the husband and the wife different gifts? He did this so that we can serve each other. Let’s take an example that can explain this question. One time I took my daughter to visit one family. After coming home, my daughter started talking about the visit. She said, “Mom, do you know what kind of curtains I saw?” I, on the other hand, didn’t not see the curtains at all. Our wives see the beautiful. God gave them this gift of seeing beauty and order. He put this into their souls, and they have this wish of putting everything to order. It is so good that God gave husbands and wives different gifts. It is wonderful that we can serve each other with these gifts. In what can this service be seen? First, and probably most important is patience. Dear sisters, do you have patience when your husband comes home in a somewhat excited state?
Once in one family, the husband came home in a bad mood and his wife asked him, “What happened?” and he replied “This doesn’t concern you. These are my work problems.” When the next day he came in the same state his wife said, “My dear, you have to share your problems with me.” Then he finally told her that today his company declared bankruptcy and that they had put $300,000 into the company, “Can you imagine – now, we have lost this money?” Do you know what the wife told him? “Dear, do you sleep in two houses at the same time? Do you eat from two plates at the same time? No, you sleep in one house and you eat from one plate. Continue doing this and don’t worry.
In such a way she comforted her husband. She brought him out of the state that he was in because of the loss of money. A different man also came home highly strung and worried. His wife opened a door to one room, and then looked into another room. Her husband asked her, “What are you doing?” “I am looking for my husband,” came the answer. The husband understood what the wife was hinting at and he calmed down. This is how actions work without words.
Dear sisters, dear brothers! Patience and wisdom should always exist in our families and they will help keep our families in unity. This unity begins when the husband and wife recognize their position in the family as one that is determined by God.
А так же :
Привет Скайлинк! (часть 2)
study in uk for international students ... ,
Virgin Village amp; Smalltown vs. Babylon City? Russian Brides Background ...